Medical Procedures

Medical procedures have an odd way of getting worse.

The first time you have a medical procedure is really awful. You don't know what to expect and you don't know if you'll be brave and how much it will hurt and which are the particularly difficult bits for you. You might know exactly what will happen, but until you've experienced it you can't be sure which bits will really get to you. Sometimes what sounds absolutely awful is quite easy; what sounds prosaic is terrifying. I had jaw surgery about 10 years ago during which they broke my jaw, put screws in it and wired it together. I was dreading it, but that bit was really fine. It was the swelling in my throat that made it hard to breathe that really freaked me out. There was no way I could have predicted that from the explanation the doctors gave me of the procedure. I was convinced that the breaking-jaw-screws bit would be the worst, but they were less difficult and painful than a broken arm.

But once you've had the procedure, if you have to have it repeatedly, you get used to it. And then, I found, that after a while, out of the blue it's worse than the first time you have the procedure. It's like you get used to it, and then suddenly you can't bear it. You're panicked and fearful and stressed about the whole thing. I found this recently. I knew exactly what would happen, and knew I could handle it but was freaking out about it. And then afterwards, just got over it. Had the procedure again and it was fine.

I guess maybe our minds build little barriers to keep ourselves sane when we are in a position of vulnerability, with someone encroaching on our personal space. Then every now and again they come tumbling down, because it is pretty horrible to be in that position.

I am very grateful for modern medicine, but I'm more grateful for heaven and the absence of medical procedures.