A few weeks ago I volunteered for something in which I regretted being involved. It was great to think through this afterwards though and realise how much my thinking has changed as I try and work out how to do the 'love your neighbour as yourself' bit of Jesus' commands.
Without going into detail, I disagreed with what was going to happen but didn't think it was immoral or wrong. I could have walked out and refused to be involved. I chose to stand up and be publically associated with what happened. It took me about 24 hours to get over it. But I don't regret it, strangely.
A few years ago, I think I would have walked out. I would have been worried about my reputation and concerned that I wasn't associated with something I disagreed with. I probably would have thought about how I was responsible for myself and my choices and needed to make sure I didn't taint myself with stuff that I thought was unhelpful.
Now, I realise, I think differently. I think I am just as concerned for my reputation, but I don't think I should put such a priority on it. My choices are still my responsibility but so are other people. It might be a good and right choice to waltz out of a project midway, but it might not - not because of the project, but because of the relationships with the people in the project. Those relationships have come to have a greater significance than projects and reputations and so forth.
And 'tainting' oneself is part of loving people - not acting immorally or doing what is wrong (which are not loving actions), but allowing oneself to appear as less pristine than one might prefer. Because loving people isn't about me, it's about them.
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