Letter to Charles Dickens

Dear Mr Dickens,

I write to protest in the strongest possible terms your method of disposing of a character in Bleak House. The character is of little repute and less worth, owning a Rag n' Bone shop in the dingy end of London. Despite his lowly status he is nevertheless intended as a genuinely human character. Yet, he dies through the curious means of 'spontaneous combustion' and it is this which causes me concern.

There are many ways in which he could have been killed. It was nineteenth century London, after all, and I don't need to inform you of the appalling living conditions in this time and place. You know of these first hand. Disease abounds: Typhoid, cholera along with a multitude of other diseases, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. Accidents occur, and in a city without any health care to speak of, these can easily and quickly lead to fatal consequences. Then there is crime: murder, manslaughter, grievous bodily harm - all have frequently been found to lead to the demise of the victim. Desperate measures may even lead to freak accidents, such as the sudden lowering of a pianoforte onto the head of the person, the voracious appetite of a passing alligator and so forth. These are far fetched, but still happen in this reality and are therefore believable. Spontaneous combustion less so.

Less dramatically, there are causes of death of which you may not be aware. Bad drinking water, non-pasteurised milk, unsanitary conditions for keeping food, especially meat - can all lead to death, particularly if several are combined and no help is available for the victim. Finally, there are the more prosaic causes of death: heart attack, stroke, severe asthma attack leading to coma, severe blood loss and so forth. These also, kind Sir, happen in real life and so do not distract from the story, which purports to be a reflection on real life. Unlike spontaneous combustion, which does not happen in real life.

My point is simply that there are a constellation of real-life options for the author who wishes to dispose of one of his characters in 19th century London.

Yet dear Sir, you chose to spontaneously combust your character. I feel this is highly improper and deserves your reconsideration. That the character must die I understand - the plot required it and who are we to stand in the way of the plot? But the means of death was clumsy, unbelievable and quite revolting. It disrupted the story. I feel that this decision detracts from your achievement as an author and should be reviewed at your earliest convenience, which as I am aware or your own demise, may remain merely the wish of

Your servant,

Wistwaveral.